Food Orgy--The next best Orgasm

I'd have to say that the last couple of weeks has been topsy-turvy to say the least. I took most of the past month off of work, and I'll have to make that up by working a ton in the next several weeks. I also bought a condo, which closes on the 30th of this month. And of course, let's not forget the divorce.

So I'd say the 'worst' that I got from all of this was eating binges. While that may not seem like a big deal to the average struggling sex addict, it actually is a slippery slope to the bottom line of all my addictions. In other words, when I binge with food or spending, I can easily get into a shame cycle, leading to the 'tailspin to the bottom'.

No, it didn't happen, but I must say that I'm still vulnerable, perhaps more today than in previous days.

You see, it seems like my 'down times', the times between busy events, is when I'm most vulnerable to act out. I look at last week when I was with my best friend following my three day holiday observance. At that time, I was post divorce by a few days, the busy holiday time with family and prayer at the synagogue was over, and I was in a lull period. I ended up going out with him and buying a ton of food, culminating in the biggest binge I've had in months.

The holidays themselves were filled with overeating. I looked back on what also contributed to a bad sentiment surrounding my self-care and I'd have to say it was the distinct absence of exercise in conjunction with the overeating that made me fill crappy. I also noted a feeling that I was too busy with other people on my trip, not taking time for myself, nor taking time to meditate--something that I feel has become a necessity for my serenity.

In the past few days, I've also added to my uneasiness by stressing about the purchase of the condo, about my sudden, unplanned generosity to my synagogue and to some charities, and about draining my retirement account of nearly all funds.

So what came of this?

Better self care saved the day.

I ate a little better at the most recent holiday meals and I didn't binge anymore.

I also exercised the past couple of days, walking down to my condo and up to my kids' neighborhood. It's actually about a half an hour trek uphill on the way back. It's going to be a heck of a way to insure some weekly exercise going to synagogue on the Sabbath.

I've also decided to research starting my own business. It's something I've wanted to do since college but I've not had much confidence in my abilities.

Amazingly, with my new found connection with my Higher Power, I have a 'G-d will take care of me' attitude that's helped my anxiety around money and a future marriage/relationship considerably.

But nevertheless, I continue to stress somewhat about money, I continue to think about sexual things, and I still get worked up about my boys' mother, even though I don't feel a desire to be with her as a husband or sexual partner.

I'm lonely now, I'm sad about my divorce, I have some anxiety around my impending move, but I have something did not have during my acting out and at the height of my addictions:

Hope and Serenity--the dividends of Living Sobriety.