Pedophiles Beware: The Sex Addict Discovers Fetishism in the Mainstream

I've lost my sobriety twice in the past 2 weeks. Why? I'm not taking care of myself. Is that a surprise. Thankfully it's only been looking at YT for fetish videos. I've got this incredible ability to sexualize the most mundane, non pornographic videos.  I wish I'd use that kind of ingenuity to improve my relationships or finances or exercise routines or diet. What did it this time was I worked my tail off with barely a break today, the Sabbath, and I was too lazy to go act out  with food or, better yet, do something healthy for myself. So instead, I surfed YT and found videos that most sex addicts would fall asleep to. Not me. Despite having a beautiful wife with a good relationship, considering where I've come from especially, I chose to isolate and medicate without using any of he arsenal f tools I have at my disposal. So the goal, going forward, is to take better care of myself, which will unplug the generator of lust for a moment and help me say safe. Unfortunately, the stakes in this disease couldn't be higher. I'm reminded of a friend I met in professional school that I used to 'party' with. We were two peas in a pod. Drinkers, porn lovers, food addicts, pot smokers, adventure seekers. I spent a year or more cruising hookers at the time I hung out with him. I was thinking about him the other day, hadn't seen any activity on FB from him in the recent past, so I decided to Google him. And there it was: www.legacy.com /drfunguy/dead.  What-the-Fu€! You know what happened. I emailed his ex wife and found out he'd been discovered to have a philandering problem by he, and a drinking problem by his employer. Ultimately, it sounds like he died of complications of untreated addiction. Another friend emailed me saying I heard it was suicide'. All addicts die of suicide. It just depends how they get there. A food addict may die if heart or re oratory failure, but he knows it's the compulsive overeating that go him to that point. Yesterday I read that Amy Winehouse died. Some called it an overdose. Most said 'it was expected'. While my sexual sobriety is at a tremendously different place than it was compared to my worst bottom lines, I still think fantasizing and ejaculating to YouTube versus porn is like getting drunk on beer instead of whiskey. I still got drunk. And doing the things that generate my lust for food, sex, spending, fill in the blank, will always lead to the same place--death by suicide. Back to Step 1. I'm powerless...put Serentiy prayer in here________...