Let's Make Love with an Old Crush--the Sex Addict sees a Flick where Cheating is Acceptable

Oh the irony...

Motown Girl runs our finances so she asked that I save a few bucks and watch the movie she'd rented-- "Something Borrowed".   Looked like a chick flick I wouldn't like, then I saw it involved some adults that were hitting an early mid-life crisis and it piqued my interest.

There's Rachel, the now 30 year old woman whose best friend Darcy has set up a surprise 30th birthday party.  Darcy's a lush who's about to marry Dex, who happens to be the crush that Rachel studied with all of the time in law school. 

Drunk Darcy leaves her purse at the party, getting Dex to go back for it.  Dex runs into his old study buddy Rachel and shares a cab with her, intending to bring the purse back to his fiance.

Now comes the SPOILER.

Rachel admits to Dexs that she's always had a crush on him and he then kisses her, starting the forbidden affair.

They both reveal that they've always been poor at communicating their interest in one another for years, while the aggressive, inebriated Darcy had no problem making moves on Dex, ultimately getting engaged to him.

The story unfolds with Dex admitting he'd always been the one to try to please his mother during deep depressions while his father would disappear from the picture, not able to handle his wife's problem.  I guess the suggestion is that his trying to save his mother from her devastating problem is perhaps being recreated with his alcoholic fiance who he's always getting out of trouble.

The love affair between Rachel and Dex is portrayed in a sweet way, showing flashbacks to the cute relationship development between them and you begin to feel like--wow, they really should be together. 

Then the addict in me--the recovering addict--thinks, "it's a disaster that this Darcy and Dex relationship is now being destroyed by an affair".  Sure, I get that Darcy's a drunk who's self centered and she's always one-upping her 'best friend' Rachel, and the Rachel-Dex combo should've happened years ago in law school, but that doesn't justify the forbidden relationship.

Later we find out that Darcy actually cheated on Dex with Dex's best friend a number of times, which she freely admits to Rachel.  We also find out that Dex's dysfunctional family approves of the wedding with Darcy and strongly frowns on the relationship between Dex and Rachel, whom they 'bump into' on a secret date. 

Dex clearly sees the threat to his relationship with his parents and feels scared to displease Darcy if he calls off the wedding.  Additionally, his wealthy, old monied father even seems to 'buy some insurance' by purchasing the happy couple a new mansion. Subsequently, despite Rachel's request, he refuses to call off the wedding at the 11th hour.

In another irony of ironies, Ethan, the go to guy friend that Rachel has, professes his 'like' for Rachel, in a similar way that Rachel and Ethan were unable to tell each other how they loved each other. This sparks her to remain true to her best friend and keep the commitment to go to this wedding despite her disapproval and personal loss in it.

In the end Dex, who looks like a cross between Tom Cruise and Jimmy Fallon, ties up the loose ends by thanking Rachel for calling him to the carpet and this prompted him to speak out against his fiance and parents, and speak up for his heart. And just as you think they may end up going their separate ways, they get back together and live happily ever after.

Awwwww!!!! What a nice ending.  Except for the premise of this cutsie little film is all on deception and lies. 

Yeah, it's just a film, fantasy, Hollywood, etc. 

But reality is that this kind of drama happens all of the time.  The 'reasoning' behind it (i.e. poor communication, recreating trauma from the parent-child relationship) is all too real, in my opinion.

Deception, lies, trickery, double crossing, it's all part of the sex and love addict's world.

I'm not surprised about the movie, it's premise, it's players, it's portrayal of real character defects.  What surprised me was that I couldn't watch this film without feeling pain.  I saw what the dishonesty does to all of these people.  What not speaking up does in a relationship. I've been guilty of these things before.

How could these situations have been fixed?  Perhaps they all should have had a team of therapists that could have walked them through the 'gentle path'.  Perhaps they could have avoided getting engaged and/or cheating on their lover if they'd been right in their heads in the first place.

Living sobriety means living in integrity.  It means living with the pain, not numbing it out.  It also means living goodness, living love, living feelings--living life.

I can't go back to that dark place I lived in so many years ago.  And if I were to continue down the wrong path, which I started slip into in recent weeks, I don't know that I'd survive the trip.

I'm glad I saved $4.99 and watched that dumb movie.  

But whatever happened to the mindless, fun chick flick?