The Good: I finished the month's notes and bills, save for a few, and comparatively it is a FEW loose ends, for work. It feels good to be in integrity as best I can, and I've done it by following my boss' suggestions which I've been resisting for months and months. Go figure.
The Not-So-Good: I've taken to regular use of porn nearly nightly on the Internet to masturbate to. Lately it's been once per evening, as opposed to 2 or 3 or 4 times on previous 'binges'. It's also to legal content and involves no one else live or through chats, emails, etc.
The Plan: I like Carnes' "Picky" (PCI) tool as a guide to help myself know what I'm doing daily that's an indicator of how I'm acting healthy, or what I'm lacking.
I still feel shame that I've gone back to porn, but I'm actually fully disclosed to my wife about it and we have plans to continue counseling and working on our relationship, so I'd say in general, I'm hopeful.
Food has sucked for weeks. I'm not sure where my weight is but I'd wager I'm near 350, my heaviest. I'm barely fitting into my fattest fat clothes. Maybe I should consider an OA meeting? Track my food?
We'll see... I hope I don't drop dead before I figure this out. If I do, I love my wife and all my kids, my family, and the opportunity to have tasted this recovery. It's sweeter than the most concentrated sweet I've ever acted out with /;^) >
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